BYUCougars.com – Self-Talk
Self-Talk

Self-talk is the quiet, and in some cases not so quiet, conversations that you have with yourself prior to, during, and after your performances. Self-statements like “way to go,” “you can do it,”or “you’re an idiot” are examples of self-talk during performances. What you tell yourself directly effects how you feel and perform. Positive self-talk enhances a your confidence and improves your ability to perform well. Negative self-talk often leads to feelings like doubt, fear, or anxiety which limit your ability to perform up to your true potential. By improving your self-talk, you can stay more focused during practice and competition, motivate yourself to perform better, and experience greater success.

I like to use the following analogy when I teach this skill. Pretend you are teaching a child how to shoot a basketball. You would demonstrate how, explain the important aspects of this skill, and then encourage her to do her best. If she made the shot, you would reinforce what she did well and give genuine praise. “Way to go Jennie, I liked your follow-through!” If she missed, you would encourage her and give her some brief instructional feedback. “Its okay, bend your knees and focus on your target.” This type of teaching comes natural when we keep the right perspective. However, many performers lose the proper perspective when they critique their own performance. When they do well they seldom praise themselves or minimize their success. They just expect to do well all of the time. “Finally, why couldn’t have I started playing better earlier in the game?” Nevertheless, performers tend to be very critical of themselves and their abilities when they do not perform well. They are impatient, negative, and engage in self-talk that lowers their confidence and their belief that they can succeed. “You can’t do anything right, you don’t belong at this level of competition.” Imagine talking to a young performer like you talk to yourself. In many cases, you would take the fun out of performing and ruin the youngsters confidence. The obvious conclusion is to use self-talk that teaches, inspires, motivates, and enables you to believe in yourself and have fun. You can be your greatest fan or your worst enemy. You decide, the choice is yours!

Awareness is often the first step to change. You can only change your self-talk when you can identify what it is that you are saying to yourself. Next time you perform, be aware of your internal dialogue with yourself. After the performance, journal how well you performed, your level of confidence, and what you said to yourself that impacted your performance in a positive or negative way. Think of past performances and try to remember your self-talk. Watch yourself on videotape to help recall your emotions and thinking. Have your coach or teammates help you monitor your verbalizations during practice or competition. These are all ways to monitor what you say to yourself.

To change your self-talk you simply need to stop your negative verbalizations and thinking as soon as you notice it happening. Say “stop!,” use a cue word or phrase to help you refocus such as, “be positive,” clear your mind by taking a couple of deep breaths, or replace your negative self-statement, “its over, give up” with its positive counterpart “keep fighting, you can do it.” The main point is to stop the negativity, be positive, and perform with a clear mind. Changing your self-talk requires desire on your part to use more positive self-talk, an awareness of your self-statements, and persistent practice and effort.

Self-Talk Exercise

Directions: Complete this written exercise shortly after a practice or competition. Your assignment is to identify important events that occurred prior to or during your performance, your self-talk about those situations, and the emotional and performance consequences. You will then identify new ways of thinking in the future under similar circumstances and speculate about how the new thinking will lead to better results. I will give you an example to follow.

What happened during my performance?
I missed an important free-throw late in the game.

What did I tell myself about the situation?
“You’re a choker, you blew your opportunity to win the game in regulation.”

What effect did it have on my emotions and performance?
My shooting confidence, especially from the free throw line, suffered during the overtime period. I passed up open shots even when I had good looks at the baskets and missed 3 out 4 free-throws during overtime. My muscles were tense and I was thinking too much instead of just relaxing and playing the game. The game wasn’t fun, it was stressful.

What could I do or say differently in the future under similar circumstances?
I could say, “hey, everyone misses a free-throw from time to time.” “I’ll make the next one.” “Just relax and enjoy the game.” “Trust in your ability to shoot the ball well, you are a good shooter.” “I love the pressure situation and will make the other team pay for fouling me.”

How might that improve my emotional state and performance?
I would probably play more relaxed and my confidence would not fluctuate based upon my makes. I would also enjoy the game more.

For assistance in identifying ways to improve your self-talk contact:
Ron Chamberlain, Ph.D.
6-SFH
Brigham Young University
Provo, UT 84602
Ron_Chamberlain@byu.edu
(801) 422-8018

Re: There are none so blind…
“There are none so blind as those who will not see. The most deluded people are those who choose to ignore what they already know. The proverb has been traced back in English to 1546 (John Heywood), and resembles the Biblical verse quoted (above). In 1738, it was used by Jonathan Swift in his ‘Polite Conversation,’ and is first attested in the United States in the 1713 ‘Works of Thomas Chalkley’…”

LPO: Wise Self Talk and the Secret of Energy
Wise Self Talk and the Secret of Energy

By Tom Russell, SuperWisdom Ezine reprinted with permission

There was once a man who was on a path leading to the top of a high mountain. The man could see the mountaintop far away on the horizon. The path went through several villages. And at each village a curious thing happened. Several citizens would gather and throw ropes at him. In the beginning he would take hold of the ropes, trying to be friendly. But as soon as he did they would attempt to pull him off his path.

The traveler soon learned not to grab hold of the ropes. He saw through the tricks of the villagers. They wanted nothing to do with the path he was on. Furthermore, they wanted him to stop his journey and settle down with them.

From then on the ropes would flop right on the ground in front of him. Occasionally he would see himself almost forgetting as he started to reach down and pick up the rope. But he stopped himself in time. He refused to pick it up! And he learned to bear the wrath of those who threw them. They most certainly didn’t like it that he was independent.

The traveler made it all the way to the top of the majestic mountain. The view was vast and the air was pure. Eagles and other rare birds flew around the mountaintop. There was a mountain lake with refreshing water. There was everything his heart had longed for. And it all was his because he refused to catch the ropes!

The Power of Self-Talk

Spiritual self-talk is a tremendous tool for developing your power of choice. It helps you expand the brief moment of decision between stimulus and response.

And here’s where the following 18 super-thoughts come into practice. They activate your power of choice! They keep you aware in those brief seconds of time just before you reach for the rope. They are enormously powerful. But they have to be applied! That is the thing about SuperWisdom, it has to be placed into practice in your daily life.

Here are the 18 most powerful things you can say to yourself:

1. All too often we slip into silent mental arguments with people. These mental movies are a huge energy drain. When you see yourself starting to drift into a mental argument with someone say to yourself, “There are higher things to think about.”

2. The SuperWisdom Notebooks often refer to the enormous power of instant recovery. You don’t have to be caught by the past, either recent or distant. Now is new! You need not obey five minutes ago or five years ago. Say to yourself often, “I am new now!”

3. With the following declaration you can catch depression, anxiety or any negative emotion when it first appears. It is like a snowball rolling down a hill. At the top of the hill the snowball is small and can easily be stopped. Negativity is the same way. It is very weak when it first starts to form. At the first sign of negativity from others or your own thoughts say, “I need not let you enter my life and take over my mind.”

4. So much mental anguish is caused by defending ourselves when we make a mistake. If you are going to be a concert pianist or an airline pilot or a professional sales person, you most certainly will make mistakes. It is part of the learning process. People who are afraid to make mistakes never grow. Free yourself! Give yourself permission to make mistakes. And when you see you’ve made one be quick to say, “I am wrong.”

5. One of the interesting things about the spiritual journey is that just before a breakthrough to a new and higher level your inner world becomes shaky and confused. A part of you wants to go back and settle down with the stability you’ve been experiencing. But you can’t go back. New and greater things are just ahead for you. When you see this happening don’t try to hold things together. Say to yourself, “I wonder what will happen if I go a little further?”

6. Fear was once beautifully defined as “False Evidence Appearing Real.” Anytime you feel fear approaching there is only one way through it—DO IT ANYWAY! Say to yourself, “I’m going to call the bluff and see what happens.”

7. We really have only one problem—we don’t remember our spiritual lessons! If we could remember to apply what we already know, swift success would follow. It can be very difficult to remember in this nutty world, but with the following you’ll see yourself remembering more often. When you remember your lessons right in the middle of the challenge you take a giant step upwards. Say to yourself, “What do I need to remember?”

8. You can use the following statement whenever you see a rope tossed at you in an attempt to make you negative. You can use it with people, the media, your own thoughts, everything! With this statement you are free! Nothing can touch you. Why? Because you do not react! You do not grab hold. You simply say to yourself, “I have nothing to say to that.”

9. We need a super powerful technique to overcome the spin of the inner world. Like a hamster in a cage, the mind wants to spin around and around. This is a giant waste of energy. But how do we stop it? Often, throughout the day, you can use the following statement to remind yourself of the present moment. Notice the contrast between the spin state and the awareness state. Which feels better? Say to yourself often, “I am here.”

10. The few people pursuing genuine self-transformation are willing to contemplate a truth that is most unpopular. This truth is a giant spiritual bulldozer that destroys the old house of fear and anguish. Once the old house is knocked down the lot is cleared and construction begins on a new and modern high rise building. This very unpopular Truth will lead to swift growth. Say to yourself, “The pain is in me, not out there.”

11. The further we go on the spiritual journey the more a definite attitude begins to form — We see that challenging and demanding experiences are a good thing for our development. In the beginning we thought it was all about peace and comfort. But we come to see that we really don’t grow in comfort. We grow when things are rough. We learn the most when all our inner resources are challenged. This is a request to the Universe, to the power that is the author of self-transformation. Say, “More please of whatever I need.”

12. Sensitive gauges tell operators when their equipment reaches high pressure zones. Likewise, we too have super sensitive instruments inside of us. Like our ears and our eyes, they are organs already present. But they have to be developed. Their efficient operation will release abundant new energies. How do you bring them back to life? Ask yourself, “Am I in a negative state right now?”

13. If you could find a way to meet every challenge, a way that would guarantee success because it guarantees an inner victory, what would you do? There is such a method and it’s right here. It is based on the supreme law of life, The Law of Growth. Human beings are either regenerating or they are degenerating. There is no “staying the same.” When faced with any new challenge, any difficult person, any problem at all say to yourself, “Time to take the next step up.”

14. When you don’t pick up the ropes, what happens? Well, one thing is that the unaware person throwing them gets mad. “What gives you the right to refuse my demands?” they say by their brazen manner. Your freedom makes them very insecure. They will get angry, try to make you feel guilty, threaten you, and when that doesn’t work they will flip flop into the nicest, sweetest person you’ve ever seen. When that doesn’t work they will go back to anger again. Claim your freedom! You have a right to your own life. Let them get mad if they must. Say to yourself, “If you know what is best for me, why are you so miserable?”

15. The SuperWisdom Notebooks say, “Always leave a nut with his own nuttiness.” You don’t have to pick it up and carry it for him or her. What a relief to give up false sentimentality toward people! It is a sad but true fact that most people are stuck in the mud and want to stay there. But its lonely in the mud so they want to pull you in! Say to yourself, “That is your fear (or worry, problem, regret, etc) not mine.”

16. You can see how often in this article we’re given tools to apply toward other people. Other people are NOT our problem. Our problem is our own reaction and the fact that we grab the rope and yell GO! But since difficult people are this world’s most plentiful resource, it is imperative that we have several effective tools to deal with them. Here’s another one. Say to yourself, “No, I am not going to behave back to you the way you behaved to me.”

17. When doubts swirl around you, when hostility seeks to enter and maul your good feelings, when darts are thrown at you by vindictive people, when your own thoughts accuse you and tell you their favorite lie — “you’ll never make it,” when all this happens you can win every time by quietly and firmly telling the negativity, “You’ve got the wrong (man — woman).”

18. A great deal of wrong advice is given that centers around “self-esteem” and trying to see yourself with virtues you really don’t possess. Pretense is always painful. And pretense always blocks self-observation. You don’t have to pretend. You can know! The SuperWisdom Notebooks say to simply see yourself as a learner. This viewpoint of yourself is true and places enormous spiritual resources on your side. Say to yourself, “I want to understand what it’s all about—I want to learn!”

Conclusion

Seeing negativity (from any source) as a rope that you do not have to grab brings everything into clear focus. We begin to understand that we really do have the power of choice. We also begin to see how we’ve been careless with this power because we were afraid to displease negative people and our own negative thoughts. Yes, there may well be a protest, both from others and from our habitual nature. But so what! The lofty and delightful feelings you will begin to experience will reinforce the fact that you’re on the right path at last.

And the affect on your sales work will be enormous. Since sales pros must often deal with a hundred or more negative ropes a day, applying Wise Self Talk will place you in a commanding zone. Your Power of Choice will be reclaimed and placed at the center of your self-development efforts. From it will flow a thousand lively streams. You’ll know you’ve found the Master Key at last. And you’ll be delighted at how practical it all is.

— © 1998 by Tom Russell, reprinted with permission.

CHANGING DIRECTIONS THROUGH SELF-TALK

Changing Directions
Through Self-talk!

Self-talk has been around for a lot of years: it’s recognition of what we say to ourselves. Many of the mind-gurus claim 80% of what the average person says is undermining, blocking and self-destructive. It’s all part of the conditioned mind–the result of your life up to the present. If you feel blocked, inhibited, and feel that it’s the way you think, or the things you say, YOU have the power to change this . The Subconscious Mind, your internal biological computer, learns through repetition, which is why advertisers bombard us with commercials over and over again.

You can change the way you think by changing your own self-talk, simply by resolving to do it. Talk to yourself whenever you have the opportunity, whenever you are alone. Do this powerful exercise.

MY FIVE DESIRES

Each month, select five of the most important affirmations or self-talk that you want or desire to apply in your life. (Desire is the energyyou use to get things done.) Write or print the five affirmations on a card. Keep them handy…somewhere where you will see them several times a day. Do not say them in a monitone, or sound as if you are bored. Whenever you have the opportunity, repeat them aloud with gusto and desire–as if your life depended on it. Incidentally, never, never show your affirmations card to anyone else–even that special person in your life. Other people may not see the affirmations the way you do, and a simple question such as: “Why do you need to do that?” will start the de-energizing process.

Incidentally, your list of five can also be repeated while you are in your sanctuary, as suggested in my article of “Do it yourself: Relaxation.” Repeating affirmations when relaxed, has greater effect.

Here are some examples of self-talk affirmations. If you need more, create them yourself. This will get you started. Good luck, and remember: Think well – be well.

I am positive, confident and radiate good things.
I have boundless energy, enthusiasm and vitality.
I attract prosperity by associating with prosperous people.
I enjoy calling on people–and people enjoy my calling on them.
The more quality calls I make–the more income dollars I earn.
I am totally relaxed and confident. When I am relaxed I achieve more.
I realize that time is my most valuable resource, so I carefully use it on result-producing activities.
I am a professional, respected person, fully capable of earning a professional, respected income.
I attract success into my life. I deserve everything that success brings.
I really am very special. I like who I am and I feel good about myself.
I was designed and created, in body and mind, to achieve.
I am a person of quality and strength. My success is the result of who I am and how I think.
I always look for ways I can get something done instead of finding reasons why I cannot.
I always listen to clients and work to understand their needs.
I enjoy showing others the best of themselves. I always accept them at their best.
I have strength, absolute determination, and limitless endurance in the pursuit of my goals.
Every day in every way, I feel better and better.
I am calm and confident. I have the quiet self-assurance of winning in my life.
I have inner peace. I am living my life in a positive and worthwhile way.
I have purpose and value in my life. I love who I am and I enjoy being me.
I love and accept myself completely as I am.
I am in control of my emotions. I never get needlessly upset or overreact to any situation at any time.
I really am very special. I like who I am and I feel good about myself.
I am intelligent. My mind is quick and alert and clever and fun.
I think good thoughts, and my mind makes things work right for me.
I am able to see a precise picture of exactly what my goals are in everything I do–and what I must do to achieve each of them.
Because winning takes energy, good health, and a strong, positive attitude, I make sure that I keep myself fit–both mentally and physically.
I take full responsibility for everything about me, even the thoughts I think.
I always visualize my self being at my absolute best in every part of my professional life.
I learn from everything I do and everyone I meet.
My mind is clear and alert. It is capable of meeting any challenge I place before it.
I have excellent powers of concentration. I attune all my senses to the subject at hand, and I am able to focus my attention more and more easily each day.
I am creative. I like to find new and interesting ways to think and do things in my life.
Every day, something new and interesting happens in my life.
I am happy because I am living my life in worthwhile ways.
I like myself and I like my goals. I am moving forward in my life.

ROADMAP TO THE FUTURE

A point to remember: Your goals are your roadmap to the future. Affirmations or self-talk fuel the desire to achieve those goals. A person without goals is like a ship, all fueled and loaded, with no propeller, no rudder and no destination. One further thing: write down your goals. They take on a diffeerent dimension when they’re written down.

Robert D. Egby
Center for Hypnosis Healing and Meditation

OBGYN.net – How to Talk to Yourself When Nobody is Listening and You Want to

How to Talk to Yourself When Nobody is Listening and You Want to
by Peter Murphy

Do you ever pay attention to the thoughts inside your mind? And more importantly do you ever notice the way in which you talk to yourself? We all pay a lot of attention to the way we communicate with the outside world but we often neglect to improve the way we communicate with ourselves. When it comes to motivating yourself to be a better person, to do better at work or to create a happier family life you need to understand the importance of taking control of your self talk.

Here are three tips you can use right away to motivate yourself:

1. Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love

Be honest! Is it true you sometimes insult yourself, curse yourself and say horrible things about your abilities? If you spoke like this regularly to someone you care about they would leave and never talk to you again. There is no excuse for treating yourself so badly. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you deeply love. Be respectful, patient and understanding. Be slow to anger, quick to praise and grateful for the opportunity to listen.

Be on your best behavior when you talk to yourself and you will find that you treat other people better as well. This in turn will cause people to respond more positively to whatever you say. These very people will be more inclined to help you get what you want. In an indirect way your communication with the outside world will improve.

2. Pump up the volume

Very often we go through our day with an internal dialogue buzzing away in the background. We mutter to ourselves about what we need to do without feeling particularly inspired to do anything other than what we have to do. This is not an effective strategy for self motivation! What you need to do instead is to turn up the volume, inject some passion into your words and talk to yourself with enthusiasm. You would not have much luck motivating someone else to take action without putting some energy into your words. You need to do the same to motivate yourself.

The next time you want to motivate yourself to do something talk to yourself the same way you would if someone was standing before you waiting to be inspired. Speak loudly with passion and excitement either aloud or to yourself inside your head. The more energy you put into it, the easier it will be to light the fire inside you that sparks you into action.

3. Know how to feel good when you are having a tough day

No matter how focused, positive and hard working you are there will still be days when nothing seems to go your way. It is on days like this that you must take charge of your brain and take control of your self talk.

You need a back catalogue of memories you can replay to make yourself feel good. Music does it for me. I have so many songs I love to hear that I just pick one out and listen to it in my mind. In a moment I can listen to sounds that make me feel fantastic simply by choosing to. For best results imagine you have a volume control with bass and treble. Make the music sound rich, loud and resonant. A friend of mine has such a great memory that he will listen to an entire CD in his mind. How about that for a quick and easy way to feel good whenever you are having a tough day?

One final way to use this tip. Replay happy memories of people telling you how much they value and appreciate you. Hear them saying what a difference you are making and soak up those wonderful feelings of appreciation.

It really is your choice as to how you run your brain. Choose to feel great and your communication with yourself and the outside world will become remarkable. Your motivation will soar and getting more done each day will just get easier and easier with eager people lining up to help you.