Talk To Your Self

Change Your Self-Talk, Change your Life!

Archive for November, 2005

Negative Self-Hypnosis

Posted by Gene on 12th November 2005

Negative Self-Hypnosis
Notice your Negative Self-Hypnosis

(From The Pegasus NLP Newsletter - 4 April 2000)

I don’t know what he did wrong but he’d certainly annoyed his mother. ‘Don’t you ever, ever, do that again. You stupid, stupid little boy. Do you hear me? I won’t stand for it. Never, ever again!’ Each phrase was emphasised with a smack on the bottom. The three year old was in tears. The woman was beside herself with anger.

No doubt she was well-intentioned and wanted to teach him an important life-lesson. I am sure that her intention wasn’t to set him up for a life-time of low self confidence and self esteem.

The constantly repeated messages we receive as children help form our self esteem and self confidence. These messages have added power if received when we are in a highly emotional state. So the little boy’s scared and tearful state made him very susceptible to the repetition of ’stupid, stupid’ message. Such messages have all the impact of powerful hypnosis.

Happily most of our un-useful childhood impressions or beliefs are weakened by later experiences and by the passing of time - unless we unwittingly continue the process of negatively hypnotising ourselves…

Listen to your self-talk - the on-going silent chatter in your head. Is this building you up or undermining you?

Whenever you make a mistake do you say ‘you stupid, stupid boy/girl’. When someone criticises you do you silently agree with them as if it’s yet more proof of your low self worth? Are you carrying on the negative hypnosis of overworked and impatient teachers or loving but scared and incompetent parents?

Our self talk messages have a very powerful hypnotising affect on us. Just like hypnosis they are so repetitious that we rarely challenge them.

They are relentless - so we stop consciously ‘hearing’ them. And they are either so monotonous that we are lulled into a passively accepting them or are very emotionally charged and impactful.

Many people recognise this and try to stop this negative self-hypnosis. But most of them go about it the wrong way - by trying to not talk to themselves.

So let’s get one thing clear - you will never stop your self talk. Accept that and you are half-way to ending the self-undermining. What’s more your self talk is a valuable part of your thinking. It is what you say to yourself that needs attention.

The solution is powerful but is deceptively simple. Spend a few minutes every day noticing the undermining messages you give yourself. Just pay attention to this negative self hypnosis and think to yourself ‘There I go - repeating the old, redundant stuff again.’

That’s all. Keep it simple and you’re more likely to do it. Incidentally, this is a lot more effective than trying to stop the negative self talk because the more you try to NOT think of something the more fixated on it you become.

Do it for a few minutes every day and start benefiting from positive self observation. And, each time you notice that you are undermining your self esteem and self confidence, remind yourself of how you are a different person now than you were way back then.

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Bill Wallen: Positive Self Talk

Posted by Gene on 11th November 2005

Bill Wallen: Positive Self Talk

Bill Wallen: Positive Self Talk
Ever have one of those rounds where you just want to be somewhere else? Or better yet, someone else? We all go through it, but Bill Wallen doesn’t let it get to him. “When things are not going well during a round I try to remind myself that I love myself,” says Wallen, an eight-year PGA teaching professional out of Aspen, Colorado. “I tell myself that I’m a good person. The thought of being a worthless or weak person tries to infiltrate my mind, but I just counter it with self talk that’s positive,” adds Wallen.

Not surprisingly, Wallen’s upbeat attitude and self-confident approach to the game of golf is a hit with students. In addition, Wallen keeps it simple and helps students put the game in perspective. Wallen does this by sharing one swing thought at a time to encourage focus and trust while building the student’s swing. “My students walk away with a good understanding of what they need to do prior to each shot,” says Wallen. “Once they have one swing thought memorized and practiced, I’ll give them a new swing thought, thus building their swing while always keeping them focused on the task and target.”

So it was with one of Wallen’s favorite students, a junior golfer who took a wide stance and a power baseball swing to the ball every time. “He couldn’t believe he could hit it farther with less effort and a few changes,” recalls Wallen. “I got him to trust me, to change and now he’s on the golf team at his school shooting in the 70’s,” smiles Wallen. Staying positive and earning his students’ faith keep Wallen in the game and having fun. He enjoys teaching because he likes working with people and helping them achieve their goals. “I like having fun, too,” adds Wallen, “and when students improve, I have fun.”

Wallen first picked up a club at age four, and it was almost like the game chose him. He played in high school at New Trier West and participated in Country Club events as a young adult. A graduate of Curry College in Milton, Massachusetts, Wallen worked at a golf course while looking for a “real job,” but soon discovered he was already doing what he loved. Now a PGA member and frequent competitor in Colorado PGA Section events, Wallen’s commitment to the game has brought him success via his own play and the accomplishments of his students.

Out on the course, Wallen loves to play the intermediate wedge shot from 50 yards in. Just the other day, he made one for eagle and a few bills. His best practice opportunities come when he’s playing, but Wallen will also hit a few extra balls while alone to gain insight. “I tend to ‘play myself into shape’ on the course,” says Wallen, who adds that the best part of his game is his emotional competitiveness. The hardest shots Wallen remembers facing were during his Player’s Ability Test – all requiring him to save par, and he felt incredible tension. He recalls, too, playing for big cash on the final hole of a Sunset Ridge Country Club event before a huge crowd and holing out for the win. “It was the most rewarding shot I ever made,” says Wallen.

Wallen enjoys playing the Olympic’s Club Lake Course above all others, and he particularly likes it early in the morning with a friend as the fog burns off. He’d hop a plane to Pebble Beach, too, given a chance. Not terribly superstitious, Wallen likes to wear light colors so the sun won’t feel too hot. He often uses black tees. In keeping with his eternal optimism, Wallen is motivated by success stories like Paul Azinger’s, and he is inspired to appreciate what he has when he sees others with far less who are positive, warm and giving.

A 16-year resident of Aspen, Wallen is married to Snow Simms. Though he doesn’t have a lot of extra time, he enjoys skiing, tennis and sailing when the opportunity presents itself. Otherwise, you’ll likely find him on the lesson tee helping another golfer see progress. “I recommend players take lessons from the same person over a period of time – someone who is a great instructor and keeps it simple,” says Wallen. Why not take Wallen up on his suggestion? E-mail him at spud@sopris.net. Thanks for sharing, Bill!

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Self Talk How to Start Creating Positive Self Talk

Posted by Gene on 10th November 2005

Career Services

10 tips to creating powerful positive self-talk affirmations

Rapua te ara tika mou ake / Seek the path that is right for youWe all have access to a powerful tool, which, when used regularly, will enhance our self esteem, break through limiting self-imposed beliefs, and raise the thermostat of our comfort zones.

1. Know your outcome -
Have a clear vision of the end result and avoid dwelling on the question, how will I get there? Our subconscious minds are very creative and once the thought is programmed, you will be pleasantly surprised at how the creative mind guides you to make the vision a reality. For example, let’s take a shy person who is uncomfortable speaking to a group of people. The desired end result is to be confident, dynamic and captivating when speaking before large groups of people. (Get the idea?)

2. Personal -
Begin your affirmations with “I”…. Okay, we would all probably like to change the behaviour of some of the people around us, but we can only affirm for ourselves. However, as you begin to make changes in your own behaviour, others will notice and begin to ask what is your secret? So, as you share your new techniques you are indirectly making a positive impact on those around you.

3. Positive - Use a positive spin when saying and writing affirmations as opposed to the negative approach. An example of the difference is stating: “I am confident when speaking before groups of people”, as opposed to the negative approach of saying: “I am not as nervous or scared as I used to feel when speaking to groups of people.”

4. Present Tense - You want to keep the statement in the NOW, so that your subconscious mind fully comprehends that the change is for today, NOT someday. Avoid using words like CAN, WILL, SHOULD, COULD, and instead use the empowering word AM….”I am a confident, dynamic and powerful speaker when addressing large groups of people.”

5. K.I.S. - Use short, powerful sentences for programming new behaviour in your subconscious mind, no long dissertations or rambling paragraphs for your affirmations, just short sentences that reprogram your thought process. Keep it simple!

6. Believable - The affirmation needs to be believable and attainable by you and for your own good. It doesn’t matter what others say, only that YOU believe…so become your own dream master!!

7. Emotions - Use words that trigger emotions when you say your affirmations out loud. For example: “I am a loving nurturing parent and look for ways to build Matt’s self esteem”…or…”I look forward to my energizing work outs three times each week.”

8. Write - Take out 3 x 5 index cards and write each affirmation separately on an index card. If you are working on a couple of different areas at once, you may try pink for family and relationships, yellow for health and nutrition and perhaps green for financial.

9. Repeat - Here’s the work - for 21 consecutive days, read your affirmations each morning when you wake up and each night just before falling asleep, this is when your brain is most receptive to change. Take about 45 seconds for each affirmation, read it, close your eyes and picture the end result. SEE the picture come to life and enjoy all the vibrant colours in your mind. Now, FEEL the emotion associated with the affirmation. Breathe deeply, and enjoy the moment and then go to the next affirmation and repeat the steps.

10. Believe - Open your heart and mind to the possibilities and expect to make positive changes in your life using this technique. Break out of the negative self talk pattern and get into the POSITIVE self-talk habit.

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Self-Talk & Self-Health. ERIC Digest.

Posted by Gene on 9th November 2005

Self-Talk & Self-Health. ERIC Digest.

Self-Talk & Self-Health. ERIC Digest.

This digest examines the ways in which self-talk, or inner-speech, can help change people’s health states. Communication and medical professionals have researched the psychophysiological components of self-talk, to conclude that what people say to themselves does affect their ability to combat and ward off illnesses. Individuals can tap into the power of their own self-talk by recognizing it for what it is, reducing harmful negativity, and increasing the number of positive internal messages.
RESEARCH THEORIES
To determine “where” and “how” self-talk fits into the scheme of intrapersonal communication, and communication as a whole, some definitions must be derived. The reality of emotional choice–that people have definite control over their emotional state–is known in various circles as self-talk, intrapersonal communication (IAPC), imaging, and visualization (Weaver and Cottrell, 1987). Self-talk is part of IAPC, but the part cannot be equal to the whole.

Having concluded that self-talk and IAPC are separate but related, what is IAPC? Shedletsky (1989) places it into the traditional model of communication, but all elements of “sender,” “receiver,” and “transmitter” are carried out within individual people. Pearson and Nelson (1985) expand that definition as follows: Intrapersonal communication is not restricted to “talking to ourselves”; it also includes such activities as internal problem solving, resolution of internal conflict, planning for the future, emotional catharsis, evaluation of ourselves and others.

Fletcher (1989) adds the physiological dimension to IAPC. Fletcher defines, “Intrapersonal communication…is the process interior to the individual by which reality evolves and is maintained.” It is a process which involves other parts of the body including the nervous system, organs, muscles, hormones, and neurotransmitters. IAPC, as well as the internal thoughts and language associated with it, serve as another “control” system in the body, on much the same level as the body’s other systems. This is the beginning of the mind-body, or psychophysiological, connection.

Medical professionals are beginning to take note of mind-body interrelationships in their treatment of patients. The basis of this is the recognition of the functions of inner speech. These functions are to:

* coordinate other connective sensory and motor functions within the brain

* to integrate and link the individual to the social order

* to regulate human behavior through spoken language

* to provide for human mentation as reflected in mental processes and activities (Korba, 1989).

Self-talk is a health behavior that has potentially far-reaching effects. Although it will most likely be used by those who have a high internal locus of control and place a high value on health, it can also help relatively healthy people in health “maintenance” programs. Self-talk is categorized as being positive or negative. As its label implies, positive self-talk has good implications for people’s mental and physical well-being. However, the negative is not all bad. The key to using self-talk is to strive for an appropriate balance (which is a tenet of holistic medicine itself) between the two.

The use of positive self-talk has been linked to the reduction of stress. Less stress, in turn, can effect other positive health changes. Self-talk, like thoughts, is not neutral because it triggers behavior in either a positive or negative direction. Both thoughts and self-talk are based on beliefs–which “can exist with or without evidence that they are accurate” (Grainger, 1989)–which are formed early in life. Beliefs shape our self-talk, which in turn affects our self-esteem.

However, negative thinking as the “thinking of choice,” may not be so bad, because it heightens people’s sensitivity to the situation they are facing. They are likely to think more clearly. Grainger says, “Negative thinking, then, is the most productive, the most useful, and the healthiest thinking to adopt “when risk is high.”

Instead of categorizing negative self-talk as “negative,” it might be better to call it “logical and accurate” self-talk. Braiker (1989) emphasizes the “responsible” use of self-talk. She warns against confusing positive inner dialogue with positive thinking, happy affirmations, or self-delusions. Logical, accurate self-talk recognizes personal short-comings, but also modifies them to help people define a plan of correction.
DEVELOPING A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE
A positive mental attitude as a basis for self-talk does not require self-delusion. The development of optimistic thought patterns requires essentially three things: recognizing self-talk for what it is, dealing with negative messages, and harnessing the positive for the greater good of individual persons. By using inner speech, people can influence their health states, but the benefits potentially reach beyond that. To make self-talk positive, people must change what goes into their subconscious. All this hinges on recognition of inner messages.

Levine (1991) expands on the idea of noticing thought patterns. Regardless of the thought type (positive or negative), she suggests people reflect upon the antecedents to and the feelings about the particular thought. When people determine which thoughts improve their sense of well-being, they can make those thoughts occur more frequently.

Again, this does not imply that people who practice positive self-talk will be a group of “happy campers.” Negative inner speech can and does play a constructive role in helping people create better realities for themselves. As was previously stated, negative thoughts can trigger warning signals in high-risk situations. The object is to deal with the underlying message, and then move to correct the situation. Negative self-talk, like its label implies, has a downside as well.

McGonicle (1988) categorizes “harmful” negativity as being “awfulistic” (everything is catastrophic), “absolutistic” (using “must,” “always,” “never”), or should-have self-talk (”I ’should have’ done this”). These also are found on what Braiker lists as “cognitive traps.” Other elements include: all-or-nothing thinking; discounting the positive; emotional reasoning; and personalization and blame. Levine suggests examining “seedthoughts,” sometimes mindlessly-used cliches, for negative elements–either emotion or health related. For example, thinking “I’m a nervous wreck,” “I’m eaten up with anger,” “That disease runs in my family,” and “Only the good die young” can undermine any positive thinking people try to achieve. Therefore, individuals must replace these thoughts with something more constructive.

In a society where people (especially females) are taught to downplay their good points, developing positive self-talk might be difficult at first. It necessitates a “reality-check.” Most of the time, people are a lot “better” (performance/ health-wise) than they previously concluded. The development of positive personal speech requires that people take active roles in shaping events in their lives, not to let life just “happen” to them. Keeping a journal, using your name as you talk to yourself, and releasing pent-up feelings are some of the ways Levine recommends becoming aware of and constructively using thoughts.

Relaxation is also conducive to positive thinking. The flipside of that is to reduce stress. Stress cannot be eliminated, but it can be managed. This can be done by sharing feelings with another and confronting any conflict early on, before the situation gets out of hand. Relaxation and less stress clarify and change inner dialogues for the better which can effect like changes in health states.
CONCLUSIONS
Self-talk has been shown, in research by medical and communication professionals, to have psychophysiological underpinnings. Thought patterns generated by self-talk affect health-states. What studies have shown has been supported by doctors and patients alike. People can begin to harness the power in their minds by taking an active role in deciding what to think, enhancing the positive messages they send themselves. It also involves being realistic, identifying the causes for any negativity, realizing it is a signal to act. By doing so, people can face challenges–health related or otherwise–with the knowledge they can succeed if they literally “put their minds to it.”

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Parenting Tip of the Week

Posted by Gene on 8th November 2005

Parenting Tip of the Week

Teaching Children to Use Positive Self-Talk

by Shari Steelsmith

Tip—One of the best methods for teaching children positive self-talk is to model it yourself.

Our kids are often frustrated. The subject of homework instantly comes to my mind when I think of my kids getting frustrated—but there are a myriad of other causes: learning a new task, dealing with siblings, etc. Both of my kids, now 11 and 8, are easily frustrated when doing math homework. My son, particularly, grouses when he gets stuck and makes dramatic statements like, “This is horrible! I’ll never figure this out!” Or, “I hate math! I’m no good at it.”
Link to book description

I get concerned when I hear him make comments like this because I know that how we talk to ourselves makes a real difference in how quickly or easily we accomplish tasks. Parent educator Elizabeth Crary, author of the Self-Calming Cards, notes that “Self-talk strongly colors the mind. It impacts what we feel, see, and do.” I tell my children that their brains believe what they say, whether it’s true or not. I will usually prompt them to repeat a better statement, such as, “This is hard, but I can do it.” Although I do intervene in this way, I still wonder if there’s another way I could teach them to use positive self-talk. It turns out, there are more things I can do.

Tools—Crary recommends, first, monitoring your own self-talk, both out loud and mentally. If you find yourself making negative comments, she says to think about the following points: 1) You’re loveable, even though you’re not perfect, 2) You’re capable, even though things are not going well at present, 3) You are growing and getting better, and 4) You sometimes do (whatever it is you’re currently struggling with) just fine. For example, “I’m getting better at being on time. I had the kids to school on time every day last week.”

As for teaching your children positive self-talk, Crary recommends the following tools:

*

Model using positive self-talk. Do this out-loud for your kids to hear. For example, if someone is rude to you, you could say, “I am in charge of my feelings. I will take a deep breath and then decide what to do.”
*

Give affirming messages. You can say to your children things like, “It’s okay to be angry” or “You can be upset and still think of what to do.”
*

Model changing negative self-talk. When you say something negative, change it to something more constructive. For example, “I can’t believe how stupid I am. Oops. I meant to say, ‘Sometimes I make mistakes, but I’m learning from them and I can do better next time.’ ”

This material has been adapted from Self-Calming Cards by Elizabeth Crary, M.S.

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